Seek and ye shall find (or not)

It's official. The world is full of weirdos. Or, more specifically, the internet is full of weirdos. You know how I know? Because I just read through all the bizarre and wonderful search terms that pointed people to this blog. Oh dear God.

I mean, do people even understand how search engines work? What would one be hoping to achieve by googling "I came home and put on everything my mother wears", for example? But more importantly - and this is a recurring theme - in what world does this search lead to my blog??

I'm slightly concerned that I may have inadvertently taken the blog down a less-than-savoury path, if "shiny panties in aubergine", "Prince Harry grabbing balls" and, most worryingly, "granny fucking" all brought people here. There is a sorely disappointed gerontophile out there somewhere. Sorry about that.

Not everyone on the internet is into geriatric porn though. Some people are just crazy. Like the person who searched "moorings for real ya know banana man". Okaaaaaay.

There are some people I wish I could help, like the poor bride who wanted to know "why am I being asked why my aunts and grannies will dance at my wedding!!!???". Maybe I should have a link to Ask Team Practical or Dear ESB in big letters across the top of the page. As for the person who wondered, "is there such a thing as too much lust for your wife?": I don't know, pal, but I have a lovely set of 10-year-old baggy tartan pyjamas that I guarantee will clear that problem right up for you.

Far and away the most common search term, though, is "fake ponytail" and all its myriad permutations. Best fake pony tail, best fake ponytail, best fake ponytail hair piece, best fake ponytails, best fake ponytil [sic], best looking fake pony tail, best ponytail, best ponytail in the world, best ponytails, big fake ponytail, breast cancer hat with fake ponytail (that one breaks my heart a little), buy fake ponytails, buy good fake ponytail, buy long fake pony tail, fake pony tail, fake pony tail pictures, fake pony tale [sic], fake ponytail, fake ponytails, fake ponytails cheap (isn't it weird how the word ponytail ceases to have any meaning after you've read it twenty times?), fake ponytails for wedding, fake ponytails for women, fake ponytails short hair, fakeponytail, fancy dress fake ponytail, girls fake pony tail, good fake ponytail, how to fix a fake ponytail, inexpensive fake ponytail, long fake ponytails, long fake poytails [sic], me with fake ponytail, medium fake ponytail to buy, natural looking fake ponytail, ponytail knockoff act (?), the best ponytail, turning a fake ponytail, want to buy a fake ponytail, what is the best fake ponytail, what is the best looking fake ponytail, where can I buy a fake ponytail?, where to buy fake ponytail, where to buy fake ponytails...

I can tell you where to buy fake ponytails: NOT HERE.

Okay, fine, so I wrote a post called The Best Fake Ponytail in the WORLD!. I *suppose* I can see why Google might think that had something to do with actual fake ponytails. But it's kind of sad when you look at your stats and think, ooh, I've had lots of visits today! and then realise 80% of them are from people desperate to get their mitts on some synthetic hair.

Maybe I should just embrace it? Stick in a link right at the top of the blog to fake ponytails on Amazon, then sit back and let the pennies roll in? Come on Google, do your worst! FAKE PONYTAIL FAKE PONYTAIL FAKE PONYTAIL!!!

Or not.

Anyone else had any bizarre searches leading to their blogs? Or is it just me who attracts the weirdos looking for faux eyelids and "equestrian brown crochet shorts"...?



Images of the beautiful Doe Deere via her blog, shot by Grenouille.