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| Weird greige one-armed leotard thing, £89 (yes, £89) |
Is this for real? Are you just trying to make me feel old?
I was not aware that leotards had become (a) socially acceptable and (b) worth eighty-nine quid.
And I mean, where do you even wear something like this?
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| Scab-coloured sheer blouse/skirt/whatever, £35 |
High collar + dark colour = work-type scenario.
And yet, see-through skirt bit + highly flammable fabric = PARTAY!
What happened, Topshop? How did it come to this?
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| Yes, those are Brown. Crochet. Shorts. £36 |
I remember when Topshop used to be my first stop on Princes Street. My friends and I would excitedly swarm up the steps from the station, a giggling gaggle of hormones and pocket money.
You were the purveyor of my first pair of the finest jelly shoes. My first ever too-tight pencil skirt. My sage-green chenille cardigan that I wore with a beige v-neck t-shirt. I looked HAWT.
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| Trousers made from curtains! It's upcycling! Genius! £45 |
Were you always like this, and I, in my youthful naivety and chronic 1990s style-blindness, simply didn't realise? Could it be that my sparkly jelly shoes and my clunky chenille cardigan were - whisper it - not actually all that nice??
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| Crochet blanket fringe vest (that's its ACTUAL NAME), £32 |
No. It was never as bad as this.
So long, Topshop. It was fun while it lasted.
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