I'm sorry, WHO?

I make no secret of the fact that I'm a Strictly Come Dancing fan. It's not an exaggeration to say it's one of the highlights of my year. That wall display up there? I made it. That's right. I also cut out and hand-lettered eight complete sets of gold paper scoring paddles for my friends and me. Some people might say I have too much time on my hands; I prefer to think of myself as simply enthusiastic. Either way, when I heard this year's squadron of starlets was to be revealed yesterday, naturally I was beyond excited.

Excited, that is, right up until the moment they were announced.

Seriously, BBC, WHO??? Did you already spend all of your budget on Formula One and royal wedding documentaries? Who are these people?!

Okay fine, it's not a total celebrity vacuum, but Lulu and Jason Donovan can't carry an entire series on their teeny tiny shoulders, not even with the assistance of mildly attractive actress-turned-popstar-turned-actress-again Holly Valance (you know, that one that used to be on Neighbours). Thank God for Kristina Rihanoff, that's all I have to say.

Speaking of old Lulu, the hot question on everybody's lips (fine, just mine) is whether she'll be going for Posh Lulu or Weegie Lulu. For those not familiar, Lulu, like my mum, grew up in Glasgow in the 50s and 60s (my mum once chatted to her in the toilets in a club when she was a teenager. Terrible skin, apparently. So there you go).

Upon Lulu's arrival in London in the early 60s and her sudden rise to international popstardom, she promptly abandoned her Scottish roots to adopt a bizarre mid-Atlantic accent, something she has valiantly maintained to this day. So what? She wouldn't be the first and won't be the last to discard a regional accent to advance her career (although she should have done her research first; just check out this not-at-all biased article from the Glasgow Herald entitled "Scottish accent is best, yet another survey reveals". Indeed).

But what really hacks me off is the fact that when she does decide to grace our humble country with her presence, she feels the need to don the most ridiculous faux-Scottish accent you have ever heard. Seriously - just listen. Does she think we're daft? Does she think we don't have televisions north of the border?

Lulu, love, the game's up. If you want Scotland to vote for you (incidentally, why, in these TV talent shows, do people feel compelled to vote along national lines? Just look at Jedward - don't you think the Irish regret it now?) then the time has come to just pick an accent and stick with it. Stop changing your accent more often than you change your sparkly, flesh-coloured leotards. Thanks.

Anyone else got Strictly fever?


**If you've come here from the BBC Strictly website in search of more Strictly goodness, I strongly suggest you check out these amazing write-ups. Seriously. You won't regret it.**